soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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