Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm at about main and main street
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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