It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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