Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
