why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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