Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
