she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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