Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
please don't ironically join a cult
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