can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
