I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
