Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
