Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
