i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
