Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
