carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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