Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize