a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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