dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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