Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
