I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
