i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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