Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
