made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize