i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize