Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Bring me that man meat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
