Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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