You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
