He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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