Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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