My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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