You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
