a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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