I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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