I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
