first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
