What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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