Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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