my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
They left me at home... I'm a liability
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
