Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
