Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
