You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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