I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
