Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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