you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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