Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize