There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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