hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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