So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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