this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
