Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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