no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
