Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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