This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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