Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
