Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to make out with him forever
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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