whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
