So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
