is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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