dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
