Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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