Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
