Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
