I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize