Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
