he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
