wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
