My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize