Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
