Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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